Zimbabwe celebrates 27th Independence anniversary

April 18, 1980, Zimbabwe becomes an independent nation, free from racist while rule 90 years after the first white man, at the head of their so-called Pioneer Column (a long trail of white no-hopers seeking a new life away from Old Blighty), first hauled his ass onto these gold crusted lands.

On April 18, 2007, in Harare, President Robert Mugabe led the 27th "celebrations", making a speech that - yaaawn, yet again - was full of threats to his Zimbo and British opponents.

He, yawn more, again returned to his pet subject: ranting at that dude Blair, the British guy who is supposed to be spending sleepless nights at Number 10 Downing Street, London, plotting, scheming, conspiring over Mugabe's downfall.

He's done that every year, Bob has, especially since things started getting a bit pear-shaped back in 2000. The rest of the celebrations are, well, something to miss (unless you've got nothing else to do, which is the case for the average Zimbo today). There was the usual, usual stuff: underfed police muts jumping through rings of no-too-menacing fires, skinny acrobats struggling with summersaults for three-year-olds, soldiers with AKs in mock battles (a really dumb squad ruined one such party a couple of years ago when it used live rounds, killing at least one spectator).

There is also the fly-by(night?) by the Air Force (it used to be MIGs and Hawks before that Blair moron cut us off from our spare partsessentially suppliers, now its Chinese made K8s, Hawk clones). Then the North Korean-style mass displays (hunderds of kids forming a giant picture of a decidedly younger looking Mugabe).

But the highlight is supposed to be "The Main Speech". Today, Bob, known for his fire-in-the-hall speeches, was blowing quite cold, it must be said.

"We are right," roared Mugabe. "And because we are right, we have the support of the people. Don't under-estimate us."

But the part of The Main Speech I found most interesting was this:

"It was at this very stadium, Rufaro Stadium, where Prince Charles lowered the Union Jack, the British flag. And we, I myself, raised the Zimbabwe flag in its place".

Gotta hand it to the guy. This is vintage Mugabe. Note the "I myself here". "I myself" brought Independence for all you fools, he means. "I myself" have sole right to do as I please. "I myself" own this Zimbabwe joint. The rest of you punks oughta do as I say, when I say.

Independent country my ass...

...and Zimbabwean Catholics put down the cross, for the axe

There. They said it themselves. It wuznt me. The Catholics have admitted it. They reckon the chaps behind the repression and the beatings in Zimbabwe are – they said it, not me – Catholics.
The Zimbabwe Catholic Bishops Conference says in a statement that the lot behind this mess is made up of “active members of the Parish and pastoral councils”.
Raises eerie images of hoardes of Catholics, roaming the ghettos of Harare, using those rosary chains to strangle and maim opposition protestors , doesn’t it? Scary thought!
Say the bishops: “Active members of our Parish and Pastoral Councils are prominent officials at all levels of the ruling (Zanu PF) party. They are all baptised, sit and pray and sing together in the same church, take part in the same celebration of the Eucharist, and partake of the same Body and Blood of Christ. While the next day, outside the church, a few steps away, Christian State Agents, policemen and soldiers assault and beat peaceful, unarmed demonstrators and torture detainees.”
Well…
The bishops say they’ve finally figured out the root cause of the Zimbo crisis - stumping all previous (secular?) attempts at analysing "The Zimbabwe Question".
“Our crisis is not only political and economic, but first and foremost a spiritual and moral crisis. As the young independent nation struggles to find its common national spirit, the people of Zimbabwe are reacting against the 'structures of sin' in our society. Pope John Paul II says that the ‘structures of sin’ are rooted in personal sin, and thus always linked to the concrete acts of individuals who introduce these structures, consolidate them and make them difficult to remove. And thus they grow stronger, spread, and become the source of other sins, and so influence people’s behaviour.”
Right padres, Like this clears things up for the rest of us…
Tend to your own sadistic flock!!

...and the Zimbo women dropped their clothes in protest

Oppah Muchinguri is the boss of the women’s league of Zanu PF, the ruling party in Zim. A sensible woman – except when she threatens to take her clothes off in public. She did just that on national TV the other night.

Now, when an African woman drops her knickers in public, she is throwing down the gauntlet. She is saying “bring it on, bring it ALL on”. She is saying “I’m mad, I’m real mad”. She is angry. Pissed. Livid. Furious. Irate.

Now, you know there has long been rumour that the mob in Zanu (apparently not so clever, turns out), is scheming to whack the old geezer, the Big Boss Cahuna Himself, and get themselves in position to become the highest ornamentals of this great pimpers' paradise called Zimbabwe.

And so Oppah warned us all that day. “Just tell us who is troubling you,” Oppah, dazzling as usual in her flowing robes decorated with the picture of Big Chief Himself over her well endowed upper torso. “I tell you, if those people continue doing so, president, we will remove our clothes in protest.” Jaw dropper!

Oh, how the women roared in unified approval. “The clothes,” they shouted, like a scene straight out of one of those National Geographic cults documentaries – or the scene with that King Julian cat in that cartoon Madagascar (I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it). “For you, Big Chief, we yield the clothes.”

Gets a pervert thinking, don’t it?

Nude, angry Oppah, a thousand nude angry Zanu PF females behind her sizeable and bare rear, marching down First Street, Harare’s main shopping boulevard. Placards: “The Naked Truth or Bust” (couldn’t resist that one) or “My tits belong to Great Chief Himself Alone”.

Have you been to one of those league meetings? No? Their obesity only varies on levels of shock effect!!

A tonne of nude Zanu PF female bulk, rumbling down First Street, would teach us all a lesson. For sure! Force us to turn from our ways. Run back to The Great Uncle Himself. Heads hung low in shame. Wailing. Groveling. Pleading for his forgiveness. Really. What could be worse? What could be worse than a tonne of sheer Zanu PF female bulk, rumbling down First Street during rush hour?