Zimbabwe in 2016

October, 20, year 2016

In Harare, President Robert Mugabe’s spokesman, Professor Arthur Mutambara, denied as “counter-revolutionary diatribe”, a report on popular internet news website, DieZimbabweDieAllYouMuthafkcers.com, which claimed it’s sources had seen the country’s leader being stretchered into a remote Himalayan monastery where he is to receive special Chinese treatment for a mysterious bone disease.

“I mean, look,” Professor Mutambara told a press conference. “His Excellency, King Gushungo, The Roaring Lion of Zvimba, Rampaging Black Elephant, The Great Crowing Cockerel of the Bright Early Morning Rising Sun, has told you people, countless times, that his bones have been strong like those of a 28 year old since he turned 82. What more do you want to hear?”

A reporter from The Independent, recently acquired by Jongwe Printers, asked whether pictures could be made available of the President, “to convince this brood of vipers gathered here that His Excellency, King Gushungo, The Roaring Lion of Zvimba, Rampaging Black Elephant, The Great Crowing Cockerel of the Bright Early Morning Rising Sun, is still very much more lively than a well fed puppy and his skin still smoother than a baby’s bottom.”
The press conference was abruptly ended at that point.